December 2010
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Day December 4, 2010

More “walks into a bar” puns

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.    ++ A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. The barman says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”    ++ A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”    ++ A dyslexic man walks […]


The first U.S. Marines wore high leather collars to protect their necks from sabers, hence the name “leathernecks.”    ++

On December 20, 1860, South Carolina was the first state to secede from the Union.    ++

A typical American eats 28 pigs in his/her lifetime. Americans eat 20.7 pounds of candy per person annually. The Dutch eat three times as much.

That that is, is. That that is not, is not. That that is, is not that that is not, and that that is not is not that that is.    ++

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. ~ Howard W. Newton

Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

Those who own much have much to fear. ~ Rabindranath Tagore

We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them. ~ Christian Nestell Bovee   ++

If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. ~ Maya Angelou

One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest. ~ Maya Angelou

Beware the lollipop of mediocrity; lick it once and you’ll suck forever. ~ Brian Wilson

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. ~ Errol Flynn

The age of a woman doesn’t mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. ~ George Burns

A parent’s life is a child’s guidebook. ~ Anonymous

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life.  It goes on. ~ Robert Frost   ++

Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old;  it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother.  ~ Agatha Christie

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.  ~ Woody Allen

The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been. ~ Madeleine L’Engle

Seven days without laughter makes one weak. ~ Mort Walker

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. ~ Charles Gordy

There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. ~ Anonymous

I never met a chocolate I didn’t like. ~ Deanna Troi ( Star Trek: The Next Generation)    ++

I am a serious chocoholic. For the serious chocoholic, chocolate is better than sex. If you believe that, you really need to meet that special someone who can change your mind. If you have met that special someone and still believe that, I really need to know where you get your chocolate!!! ~ Anonymous

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. ~ Victor Borge

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. ~ Winston Churchill

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.  ~ Jerry M. Wright

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone. ~ Jim Fiebig

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year. ~ John Foster Dulles

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.  ~ Will Rogers

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. ~ Yiddish Proverb

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ~ Phyllis Diller

Exercise is a dirty word.  Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Chocolate is nature’s way of making up for Mondays. ~ Anonymous