December 2010
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Month December 2010

It’s a dangerous business going out your front door. ~ J. R. R. Tolkien

New Year’s Day:  Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions.  Next week you can begin paving the road to hell with them as usual. ~ Mark Twain

In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never in want.  ~ Irish toast

Your Merry Christmas may depend on what others do for you … but your Happy New Year depends on what you do for others. ~ Anonymous

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. ~ Bill Vaughn

People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. ~ Anonymous

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.

If people were meant to go around naked, they would have been born that way. ~ Playboy

They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it. ~ Gracie Allen    ++

It infuriates me to be wrong when I know I’m right. ~ Moliere

Christmas is at our throats again. ~ Noel Coward

Farting DOES NOT constitute “aroma therapy.” ~ Adrienne Gusoff

Any woman who thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is aiming about ten inches too high. ~ Adrienne Gusoff

Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies. ~ Adrienne Gusoff

Mellow is the man who knows what he’s been missing. ~ Led Zeppelin

A painter paints pictures on canvas.  But musicians paint their pictures on silence. ~ Leopold Stokowski

You’ll never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with him. ~ Lou Holtz

I am what I am.  Are you what you are or What? ~ Alanis Morissette

Ignorance killed the cat.  Curiosity was framed. ~ C.J. Cherryh

Why is American beer served cold?  So you can tell it from urine. ~ David Moulton

Save Your Breath … You’ll need it to blow up your date!    ++

When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes. ~ Henry Miller

Do I mind if you smoke? I don’t care if you burn to the ground!

The other day they asked me about mandatory drug testing.  I said I believed in drug testing a long time ago.  All through the sixties I tested everything. ~ Bill “The Spaceman” Lee

I have a feeling that when my ship comes in I’ll be at the airport. ~ Charles M. Schulz

Sex and politics are a lot alike. You don’t have to be good at them to enjoy them. ~ Senator Barry Goldwater

After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history.

Christmas is a time when everyone wants his past forgotten and the present remembered! ~ Anonymous

What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

To succeed in life, you need three things:  a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone!    ++

The world will never starve for want of wonders, but for want of wonder. ~ G. K. Chesterton

Being pessimistic makes you a less hopeful person, but almost always a correct one. ~  Andy Bodine

Two words that guys hate…”don’t” and “stop”…unless you put them together.

To love someone is to see him as God intended him. ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Very Good Friends can do anything together, but only BEST Friends can do nothing together. ~ Winnie the Pooh, A.A. Milne

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.  ”What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line. “Well, I’m a lawyer, […]

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times. ~  Bruce Lee

When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.    ++

A wise man among the ignorant is as a beautiful girl in the company of blind men. ~ Saadi    ++

They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much. ~ Malcolm Cowley

Old age is not for sissies. ~ Malcolm Forbes

There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. ~ George Santayana

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body…then only left-handed people are in their right minds. ~ Anonymous

Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.

Youth had been a habit of hers for so long that she could not part with it. ~ Rudyard Kipling

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they’re going to catch you in next. ~ Franklin P. Jones

Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible. ~ Doug Larson

Well-married, a man is winged:  ill-matched, he is shackled. ~ Harriet Ward Beecher

In the gates of Eternity, the black hand and the white hand hold each other with an equal clasp. ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe, Encyclopedia of Quotations, Treasury of Wit and Humor, (1876)