November 2010
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Day November 28, 2010

Do I love you?  My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches. ~ William Goldman

Five years from now, you’re the same person except for the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read. ~ John Wooden

Two possibilities exist:  Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

Dirt is not dirty, but only something in the wrong place. ~ Lord Palmerston

We perceive when love begins and when it declines by our embarrassment when alone together. ~ Jean De La Bruyere

Reason to smile:  Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Liberality [generosity] consists less in giving a great deal than in gifts well-timed. ~ Jean De La Bruyere

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

Why are fire engines always red?

Fire engines have 4 wheels and 8 men. 4 and 8 make 12. There are twelve inches in a foot. A foot is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is the name of one of the largest ships on the seas. Seas have fish. Fish have fins. The Finns fought the Russians. […]

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~ George Bernard Shaw

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. ~ Michael Jordan

You’re given the life you have because you’re strong enough to live it.

You don’t get harmony when everybody sings the same note. ~ Doug Floyd

Without Jesus there would be hell to pay!

Love is the breath of humanity.  Jesus is love.

God’s  Grace is hard enough to understand, I don’t want to imagine the “wrath of God.” ~ Mike Egts

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. ~ Danny Kaye  ++

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don’t get on with my real ladder. ~ Peter Kay

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace. ~ Helen Keller

Even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.  ++

Man’s commonest fault is not knowing what he doesn’t know. ~ Thomas Jefferson (?)

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it. ~ Mary Wilson Little

Without memory, there is no healing; without forgiveness, there is no future. ~ Desmond Tutu

Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.  ~ Aristotle

One Liner Jokes for Kids

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer. What do skeletons always order at a restaurant?  Spare ribs! Who was the most famous French skeleton?  Napoleon bone-apart. What runs around a cemetery but doesn’t move?  A fence! What do they teach at Witches school?  Spelling.

What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

We’ll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We’ve already noticed a definite swing to the left. ~ Ronnie Barker

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up. ~ Tom Lehrer   ++

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ Martin Luther King

Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us. ~ Earl Nightingale

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. ~ Mark Twain  ++

Halloween Jokes for Kids

A vampire joke:  What happened to the mad vampire? He went a little batty! A demon joke:  What is the best way to get rid of a demon? Exorcise a lot! A ghost joke:  What kind of jewels to ghosts wear? Tombstones! A demon joke:  Why do demons and ghouls get on so well? Because […]

I entered ten puns in a contest, and I thought I would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did. ++

Egotist, (n);  someone who is me-deep in conversation.

Being dyslexic has drawbacks. I once went to a toga party dressed as a goat.  ++

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.  ++

Hurricanes are like women:  when they come, they’re wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

Life is like a taxi:  the meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still. ~ Lou Erickson

When I said ‘death’ before ‘dishonor,’ I meant alphabetically.   ++

If you run after two hares, you will catch neither. ~ African Proverb

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. ~ Henny Youngman

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. ~ Henny Youngman

I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you. ~ Robin Williams

Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money. ~ Robin Williams

Carpe per diem–seize the check. ~ Robin Williams

To perceive Christmas through its wrappings becomes more difficult with every year. ~ E. B. White

Luck is not something you can mention in the presence of self-made men. ~ E. B. White

Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one. ~ E. B. White

How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the bulb changes very, very slowly.

Once you label me, you negate me. ~ Soren Kierkegaard