November 2010
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun
« Oct   Dec »

Day November 27, 2010

Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind;  And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. ~ John Donne

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

The world of knowledge takes a crazy turn / when teachers themselves are taught to learn. ~ Bertolt Brecht

Next to being witty yourself, the best thing is being able to quote another’s wit. ~ John Christian Bovee

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.  ~ Anonymous

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.  ~ Anonymous

One gives up much to become a parent, made easier when two give it up. ~ Robert Brault

Even at a Mensa convention, someone is the dumbest person in the room.   ++

Heredity is something parents comfortably believe in, if they have a bright child.     ++

Only one shopping day left until tomorrow!   ++

If you are willing to admit you are wrong when you are wrong, then you are all right.

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.     ++

I’m afraid I have a PBS mind in an MTV world.     ++

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?    ++

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs?  I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

Consciousness:  That annoying time between naps.

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free. ~ P.J. O’Rourke

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you. ~ Pericles

The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. ~ Ronald Reagan    ++

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class… save Congress. ~ Mark Twain

The high cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.   ++

How can there be self-help ‘groups’?     ++

Is it just me–or do buffalo wings really taste like chicken?    ++

If price and worth mean the same thing, why are priceless and worthless opposites?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography. ~ Paul Rodriguez    ++

Bird angels have 4 wings. ~ Steven Wright

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. ~ Steven Wright    ++

Sponges grow in the ocean. That kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen. ~ Steven Wright

I was in a bookstore, and I started talking to a French-looking girl.  She was a bilingual illiterate.  She couldn’t read in two languages. ~ Steven Wright   ++

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside. ~ Rita Rudner

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. ~ P.J.  O’Rourke

One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said, “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.”  Every picture of you is when you were younger. ~ Mitch Hedberg

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. ~ John Kenneth Galbraith

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on Earth has ever produced the phrase, ‘as pretty as an airport.’ ~ Douglas Adams

I have great faith in fools–self-confidence, my friends call it.  ~ Edgar Allan Poe

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

I remember the first time I had sex–I kept the receipt.  ++

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

There are 10 types of people in the world:  those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

The Seven Dwarfs (in Latin)

Fatuus = Dopey Medicullus = Doc Severus = Grumpy Beatus = Happy Somniculosus = Sleepy Verecundus = Bashful Sternuens = Sneezy