November 2010
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Day November 18, 2010

Common sense and common courtesy are the two most uncommon things of all. ~ Jimmy Campbell

I love my girlfriend more than she will ever know, thanks to these sedatives. ~ The Covert Comic

There are three secrets to success: The first is: Keep your eyes and ears open. The second is:  Don’t tell everything you know.

There is no future in time travel.

The sum of human knowledge is not contained in any one language.

What the caterpillar calls the end, the butterfly calls the beginning.    ++

Beer: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.    ++

I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

You know you’re getting older when you can’t remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?    ++

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. ~ Winston Churchill

I don’t remember being absent minded.    ++

You might be a redneck if:

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.    ++ You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.. Anyone in your family […]

Monday’s Child…

Monday’s Child is fair of face, Tuesday’s child is full of grace, Wednesday’s child is full of woe, Thursday’s child has far to go, Friday’s child is loving and giving, Saturday’s child has to work for its living, But a child that’s born on the Sabbath Day, Is fair and wise and good and gay.

Christmas became a national holiday in the US in 1890.

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

Snowmen fall from the sky unassembled.

If a woman uses a vibrator when she’s pregnant, will the child come out stuttering?

Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome. ~ T. S. Eliot    ++

Tears are nature’s lotion for the eyes. The eyes see better for being washed by them. ~ Christian Nestell Bovee

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. ~ Maya Angelou

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’ ~ Charlie Brown

Ever pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is?

If you can read this, thank a teacher.  If you can read it in English, thank a Veteran.

Man was predestined to have free will.

The first Ten Commandments are the hardest.     ++

Trust everybody . . . then cut the cards.

Who says nothing is impossible.  I’ve been doing nothing for years.

Irish Blessing

May God grant you always… A sunbeam to warm you, a moonbeam to charm you, a sheltering Angel so nothing can harm you. Laughter to cheer you. Faithful friends near you. And whenever you pray, Heaven to hear you.

You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty. ~ Sacha Guitry

Write drunk; edit sober. ~ Ernest Hemingway

Do not train boys to learning by force and harshness, but lead them by what amuses them, so that they may better discover the bent of their minds. ~ Plato

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. ~ Helen Keller

In the case of good books, the point is not how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you. ~ Mortimer J. Adler

If you want to be happy, be. ~ Leo Tolstoy

Physical strength is measured by what we can carry; spiritual by what we can bear.

Q:  How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:  It depends on whether or not the bulb has health insurance.

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier’s office. ~ Francis O’Walsh

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion. ~ Dale Carnegie