November 2010
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Day November 2, 2010

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other. ~ Oscar Wilde

There are 10 human body parts that are only 3 letters long (eye hip arm leg ear toe jaw rib lip gum).

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Never judge a book by it’s movie. ~ J.W. Eagan

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.  After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent.

If I had some ham, I could have some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.

Definition of a bachelor:   a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Market Mergers that Make Sense…

Each of these possible mergers could bless our language, if not our economy: If Crabtree & Evelyn merged with Apple Computer, they could become Crab Apple. If the three companies Denison Mines,  Alliance, and Metal Mining merged, they would become Mine, All Mine How about Fairchild Electronics with Honeywell Computer:  Fairwell Honeychild? And FedEx with […]

If  Crabtree & Evelyn merged with Apple Computer they could be Crab Apple. ~ Anonymous

1000 aches:  1 megahurts

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond

2000 pounds of Chinese soup:  Won ton   ++

Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter:  Eskimo Pi  ++

If silence is golden, a lot of people are off the gold standard. ~ Anonymous

A glutton is always eating when he is not hungry, or is always hungry when he is not eating. ~ Anonymous

A glutton is one whose mind is always on his stomach, and whose stomach is always on his mind. ~ Anonymous

Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere. ~ G. K. Chesterton

The average husband wishes he had as much fun when he is out as his wife thinks he has.

A skillful diplomat is one who knows how to refuse foreign aid without being deprived of it. ~ Anonymous

The foolishness of the simple is delightful, only the foolishness of the wise is exasperating. ~ Santayana

You can’t tell:  maybe a fish goes home and lies about the size of the man he got away from.   ++

A golfer has one advantage over the fisherman; he doesn’t have to show anything to prove his success. ~ Anonyous

Some people wake up and find themselves famous;  others find themselves famous and then wake up. ~ Anonymous

Experts often possess more data than judgment.

When you choose the lesser of two evils, always remember that it is still an evil. ~ Max Lerner

But I wasn’t kissing her. I was whispering in her mouth. ~ Chico Marx   ++

Two thirds of Americans can’t do fractions. The other half, just don’t care.

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life.

I’ve suffered a great many catastrophes in my life.  Most of them never happened. ~ Mark Twain

I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost. ~ Anonymous   ++

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.   ++

It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father. ~ Anonymous

Happiness is like peeing in your pants.  Everyone can see it, but no one feels the warmth as you do. ~ J.Tilse

Half of the world’s misery comes from ignorance. The other half comes from intelligence. ~ Bonar Thompson    ++

Great minds discuss ideas.  Average minds discuss events.  Small minds discuss people. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt  ++

Grandparents:  The people who think your children are perfect even though they believe you are not raising them right. ~ Anonymous   ++

Goodness is the only investment that never fails. ~ Thoreau

Good leaders are like baseball umpires; they go practically unnoticed when doing their jobs right. ~ Byrd Baggett

What A Friend We Have In Jesus (Lyrics)

What A Friend We Have In Jesus (Lyrics): What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. […]

Do turkeys get sleepy from that thing in turkey that makes you sleepy?

If a man is walking in a forest and no woman is there to hear him is he still wrong?  ++

If Wile E. Coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesn’t he buy his dinner?

What do people in China call their good plates?    ++

Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. ~ James Thurber

I’m 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics. But if there were fifteen months in every year, I’d only be 48. That’s the trouble with us. We number everything. Take women, for example. I think they deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of 28 and 40. ~ […]

I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness. ~ James Thurber

Discussion in America means dissent. ~ James Thurber

All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why. ~ James Thurber

A word to the wise is not sufficient if it doesn’t make sense. ~ James Thurber